Wednesday, December 5, 2007


"Mmm, I can still smell his essence."

A woman won her lawsuit against the Catholic Church today after being molested and raped by seven priests who passed her around like a little boy throughout her teen years and even impregnated her.

Now, I’m on the victims’ side in this one. These priests are horrible, evil people, and I realize that molestation and abuse victims become fucked in the head, BUT… after a couple years, at some point wouldn’t you wake up and say “I’m not going to church to get raped today.”

I stopped going to church when our priest bought a Corvette. That rubbed me the wrong way. I’m not saying she should have started worshiping the devil or converted to Judaism, but at some point don’t you stop going to the church where you get raped? That’s why the Protestant Church exists—in both a literal and metaphorical sense.

Now, I’m not saying Protestant churches are perfect, but a less literal translation of the communion sure beats the hell out of getting forcibly fucked every Sunday morning. Hell, a church that punches you in the face liturgically would be better than the Catholic Church. Even serpent handlers escape with less scars than most Catholics.

The woman said the worst part is her 16 year-old daughter now knows that she was the product of rape by a priest. Wow. I smell a future atheist lesbian… and a scholarship to Wesleyan.


evrenseven said...

I think this is a huge step forward for the church. Statutory heterosexual rape is a big leap up from little boy child molestation. I don't understand why the church isn't celebrating this development.

John said...

You're ignoring the real victim here: Roger Cardinal Mahoney (why do they do that thing with the title and then the first name? Are they all in a band, like the Ramones?)

The good father was attacked while mailing a letter. Or maybe he wasn't. “We don’t know if the assault did or did not happen,” says LAPD's Sgt. Lee Sands.

Whatever, I'm sure it's all a big misunderstanding. I can't imagine that the guy who helped pedophiles skedaddle to safer surroundings and fresh boy-ass buffets time and again would be so tawdry as to lie about an assault just to win sympathy.

Yes, sympathy: apparently His Eminence related this assault incident in order to illustrate the great personal toll the Church's sex scandals have taken on him.