Wednesday, December 26, 2007

SELENA DOESN'T COUNT

"First they came for the MARIACHIS, and I said nothing..."

At least 13 MEXICAN musicians have been killed -
gunned down, burned or suffocated to death - since June 2006.

"Los CORPSES del NORTE"

You see, south of the border, REAL hardcore drug trafficking gangsters don't like it when you sing little songs about how they killed your family and ruined your town...ESPECIALLY when you play it on one of these fucking things!


The accordion is as close as mankind has come to replicating the luscious tone of CAT RAPE, rivaled only by the BAGPIPES.
That tortured device's howl is reason enough not to shoot a cop.



Where were we? Oh thats right, if you're gonna play in Guadalajara you gotta have a NARCO-TERRORIST in the band!
"Housekeeping...mother fucker."

This story, while technically a harbinger of doom and therefore a sign of the weekly impending doom, I'm THIS close to calling it a net-positive.



Alas, until the dismembered and indistinguishable chunks of MENUDO find themselves stacked in a hotel bathtub in Miami, I say be careful!



p.s. to those of you who thought this was gonna take an anti-immigration turn along the way, I say poo to you! Quit watching so much Lou DOBBS and go eat a taco! I've been losing comedy writing jobs to undocumented CANADIANS for years and you don't see me getting bitter!

(guest blogger John Wessling)

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