Wednesday, January 2, 2008

ALL TIME LOHAN

Lindsay Lohan was once America’s sweetheart, or at least as close as a redhead could be, but according to an AOL poll of millions of users, she was voted the year’s worst actress (person). How does one fall so hard, so fast? Time to phlog Lindsay.


Ahhh, such a sweet young, all-American girl, barely willing to show her panties to millions of strangers.

"Can somebody get me a god damned wireless signal and a god damned coke tray before I fuck two things up at once!?!"

“Let me check my pulse… I’m cool for another.”
Yes, to be a top tier Pop Tard, you have to let a nipple slip out every now and then, but not at an auto show. Even implant hardened, melanoma scratchin’, over the hip g-string wearin’, dream-crushed, expo-center “booth babes” suffering from back room airport stripclub post traumatic stress disorder don’t show their tits at auto shows.

It looks like she was just punched in the face by some dude she fucks, which would probably be a sign of a healthier relationship with herself than it not having happened and still looking like this.
You know you’ve made a shitty movie when one of the country's top pieces of ass plays a stripper and you still can’t sale a ticket. Hell, I’ve seen “Showgirls” dozens of times, and Elizabeth Berkely looks like a small-tittied horse with a perm and different size high heels on each leg.
I’ve never taken enough pills to give myself one lazy eyelid. I couldn’t shit for weeks, but my eye lids generally operated in stereo. Plus, are those her mom’s hands? Oh, and knives?

You gotta wear pants. You just got to.

Lindsay should do a movie where she plays that kind of trashy girl from central Florida that I met over spring break who dropped out of highschool to raise her daughter, but seemed to have a big heart and be smart enough to do the math on the coupons, even though I think she was snorting her daughter’s Ritalin.

You know you’ve fallen way down the paparazzi totem poll when you need to use your Iphone to get more attention. However, to say she then had the self-esteem of an IT worker, would probably be a boost.
"Where did I park my car. Car, car, car, where's my car?"

Celebutards always seem to hang out with the DJ on their way out. I don’t know if it’s cause he’s lowest on the social pecking order, or if it’s cause he has the best drugs, but some queerbait, mp3 mixin’ DJ always seems to be the last stop before rehab.

I’m not sure what the opposite of “sexy” is, but I think it might be a woman coughing while she shows you her cooter.

This picture creeps me out the most because it looks like she answered a post on craigslist to get this “gig.”Merry Christmas and Happy New Year from the Lohans! It's been a busy year for us all! Dad's in jail and Mom's a whore, so that's left Little Lindsay lots of time to do drugs and show her cooter to the world. Who knows what next year holds?! May God bless you and yours. Peace on Earth.

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