Tuesday, January 29, 2008

THE BRITNEY SPEARS SITUATION: PHLOGGED

“I don’t know where you came from or why you keep tryin’ to suck on my titty, but I think you’re cute and I’m gonna keep you, little pink monkey.”

“Y’all are cute and all, but I’ve got to go over here now.”

“One of y’all hand me my pills. Try and get the right ones this time—we’re goin’ to court.”
That’s Los Angeles County Superior Court Spokesperson Alan Parachini talking to reporters after Britney Spears’ custody hearing, and that’s a guy wearing a Hawaiian shirt and doll house for a helmet, holding up his cell phone. That’s about right.
“Yeah, see, right there, the pink thing hangin’ down. I know. I still would too.”

“Hey man, boy friend guy, come 're. I just wanted to say, as a guy, we all know what you’re up to, and it’s pretty shitty.”

At first I was going to write, “Now who should’ve gone to college, Mom?” but I think the symbolism in this photograph is a more powerful angle.

What’s your daddy do?
“He serves as a vessel in America’s failing ability to separate the difference between reality and tv.”
Does he like it?
“Don't know. I haven't seen him in years.”

Sure it’s a sleazy, but last week he was selling candy bars to pay for a trip to Washington DC.

C’mon ABC, I thought dinosaurs had some dignity.

“That’s a wrap. What’s slated for tomorrow? No shit? In her wedding dress? That’ll be great.”

“What show are you workin’ on next?”
Don’t know, it’s been rough since the strike. Hopefully this one will keep goin’ for a while. Looks like it should.”
"Yup."

“Listen up, people. Miss Spears has requested that everybody throw these small packages of rice as she leaves her custody hearing. She had the packages specially made with the date and each of your names on them.”
“I just wanted to make people’s life safer. What the fuck?! What the fuckin' fuck!?!”

I'm guessing the people in Kentwood are back to braggin’ about Rotary and the Lyon’s Club again.

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