Thursday, January 10, 2008

MAN SAVES WORLD BY CUTTING OFF, MICROWAVING HIS OWN DEAMON HAND

"If anyone worships the beast and his image and receives his mark on the forehead or on the hand,
he, too, will drink the wine of God's fury!"
“Shut up Dad, you’re drunk again.”

A man in Idaho called 911 after he cut off his own hand with a circular saw and microwaved it, because it bore the sign of the beast. Consider this, crazy hand cutter guy, if there was a devil powerful enough to rival the tag-team combo of a vengeful Christian God and Jesus, and he can magically make his sign appear on your hand from his evil layer below the Earth, what the fuck good is your little pop-corn popper microwave going to do to stop him?

I hope they don’t try to reattach his hand for two reasons. One, just in case he was right, and two, if you cut off your own fucking hand—you don’t get a new one, and you don’t get it back. Maybe that’ll teach you, dumbass.

Also, as a Southerner, I’d like to say, “HA HA! Take that global view of the American South! This fuckhead’s from Idaho!”

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