Thursday, January 17, 2008

SOUTH CAROLINA PRIMARY PHLOGGED

Popped collars don't play in the Carolinas.
Mitt Romney spoke at Francis Marion University in South Carolina. The university is named after the guy that Mel Gibson’s character in the Patriot was based on, except Marion was more violent. He was also known as “the Swamp Fox.” What do you think the Swamp Fox would do to Mitt Romney? That’s right, he’d fuckin’ kill him with his hatchet.

On the right is SC Senator Jim Demint. I played basketball with his nephew as a kid. He had a sweet jump shot, but I still think Mitt Romney is a self-righteous, pandering sack of Mormon blue-bloodied shit.

What kind of an asshole brings that long of a to-do list when he comes to town?


That’s the new Cooper River Bridge. I had a head on collision with a runaway truck haulin’ a trailer full of rebar on the old one. Fuckin’ Mitt Romney.

Did somebody say “dance?”


“This tablet was given to me by a talking salamander.”



“This must be how Oswald felt… but not as cool.”


How crazy do you have to be to vote for Romney? Uncle Sam in a yellow suit crazy.

I wonder whose name was on the sign last week?

McCain’s speaking at T-bone’s Steakhouse, proving, in South Carolina, it’s not what you say, but it’s how much meat you give people while you’re sayin’ it. He'll probably win. They're got good Pork Chops too.

McCain lost South Carolina in 2000 because Karl Rove told people he had an illegitimate black daughter. However by now, people have realized that Strom Thurmond had like twenty black bastards, so it should work for him.

“MCCAIN BUTTONS! dank nugs MCCAIN BUTTONS!”

“One time they shoved a bamboo reed up my dick hole.”

McCain paid an illegal immigrant to make that sign.

That’s our state flag, but I think this picture might make a better one.

That Hooters sign says “Hey Hillary, Bill’s in here,” and it has since 1992.

Seriously?

I could almost put up with Hilary, just to eat at Mo Mo’s.

Close your eyes and bow your damn head. Jesus Christ, it’s a fucking blessing—show some respect.

She tried the gravy!

That’s a Vietnam vet with PTSD and he’s black in South Carolina. I have to assume his question started with Sooo, I get treated like shit all the time…”

Biggie in the back ain’t buyin’ Hilary’s well timed, wondrous gaze at heaven in front of the camera.

Something tells me the black vote may not come out for Hillary.
The sign didn’t have room for “and bacon” as planned.

Ever notice that ol' Hollywood Thompson has spoken a lot more eloquently ever since the writer's strike started?


Huckabee’s extra keen on Jesus, and he used to be really fat. This thing’s a lock.

No comments: