Tuesday, February 19, 2008

LINDSAY LOHAN LOCKS DOWN SCRIPT FOR DEATH

MONROVERDOSE!

Lindsay Lohan recently posed for a reshoot of Marilyn Monroe’s final nude layout, “the last sitting” and even using the same photographer. This is so like Hollywood today. They can’t even come up with an original way to fuck over a young actress, so they’ll just peg her in the same tragic role and do a shot by shot remake. For fuck’s sake, she’s not even blonde, she’s a redhead.

I don’t expect much out of movies or TV these days, but at least show some creativity when you’re ruining a young person’s life, Hollywood. Isn’t that why you dropped out of law school?

Lindsay Lohan was once America’s sweetheart, or at least as close as a redhead could be, but according to an AOL poll of millions of users, she was voted the year’s worst actress (person).

Ahhh, such a sweet young, all-American girl, barely willing to show her panties to millions of strangers.

“Let me check my pulse… Okay, I’m cool for another!”

"Can somebody get me a god damned wireless signal and a god damned coke tray before I fuck two things up at once!?!"

Yes, to be a top tier Poptard, you have to let a nipple slip out every now and then, but not at an auto show. Even a 47 year-old burnt out stripper, with a tanned leather hyde and over the hip g-string, suffering from back room airport stripclub post traumatic stress disorder does’t show her hardened implanted tits at auto shows. That's just trashy.

It looks like she was just punched in the face by some dude she fucks, which would probably be a sign of a healthier relationship with herself than it not having happened and still looking like this.


You know you’ve made a shitty movie when one of the country's top pieces of ass plays a stripper and you still can’t sell a ticket. Hell, I’ve seen “Showgirls” dozens of times, and Elizabeth Berkely looks and dances like a small-tittied horse with a perm and different size high heels on each huff.

I’ve never taken enough pills to give myself one lazy eyelid. I couldn’t shit for weeks, but my eye lids generally operated in stereo. Plus, are those her mom’s hands? Oh, and knives?

You gotta wear pants. You just got to.

Lindsay should do a movie where she plays that kind of trashy girl from central Florida that I met over spring break who dropped out of highschool to raise her daughter, but seemed to have a big heart and be smart enough to do the math on the coupons, even though I think she was snorting her daughter’s Ritalin. I'd go see that movie.

"Where did I park my car. Car, car, car, where's my car?"

Celebutards always seem to hang out with the DJ on their way out. I don’t know if it’s cause he’s lowest on the social pecking order, or if it’s cause he has the best drugs, but some queerbait, mp3 mixin’ DJ always seems to be the last stop before rehab.

I’m not sure what the opposite of “sexy” is, but I think it might be a woman coughing while she shows you her cooter.


This picture creeps me out the most because it looks like she answered a post on craigslist to get this “modeling gig.”Marilyn again.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Jeez she has more spots on her than a leopard! She simply does NOT have the charisma, sexiness, or allure that Marylin had!