Monday, February 4, 2008


"Mooooom! Bwing me ma KoWan an' Bom ves! Awwa-Akbah! Awwa-akbah! Mom!"

Two suicide bombers recently used in Iraq turned out to be mentally disabled. The theory is they just sent them in a cafĂ© to pick up some coffee and then used a remote control to ignite the bombs. This could be bad news for Iraq. Thanks to all the depleted Uranium we used in the first Gulf War, there’s all sorts of retards in Iraq. This could go on forever. Say what you will about our military lowering recruiting standards, but at least we don’t have to use retards.

It would be heartbreaking if we were allowed to recruit them. Sure there’d be lots of laughs with all the hi-jinks and grab-ass in the bunks, but can you imagine the pain of a young officer reluctantly sending the special battallion to their certain death? Watching as thousands overgrown and under-coordinated kids march in formation towards battle, only to be hit by a wave of bullets, from behind. The cries and moans of a bloody walrus slaughter would pierce your soul as each row successively shoots the one ahead of it in the back, like a modern day reverse Normandy.

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