Tuesday, March 25, 2008


Seriously? This is our economy?

“Theresa’s never gonna understand.”

Looks like a confident and aggressive market.

Add a dozen drunk sleazy sales associates skipping a convention seminar, and this could be any casino in Vegas

"Five! I want five on bust!"

Pfffffff…. Mmmmm…. Hrrrrrrrr… shit.”
"Shit Shit Shit"

“and don’t blame yourselves, you were a better family then a failure like me deserved…”

“F-U-C-K, K, not J! Why doesn’t this God damned thing have ‘fuck’ in its predictive text?!? The economy is ‘FUCKED’ not ‘FTCJED!’ God damn stupid piece of shit!”

“Now who’s gonna fuckin’ crush up a pile of Adderall?! I’m Dow Jonesin!”

“It’s like coke without the harsh comedown, and totally legal.”

“Yeah, I don't think that’s appropriate on air.”

“Listen very carefully. There’s two trucks packed full of gold bars parked in a secret garage underneath ground zero…”

Well, that can't be a good sign.

“No, it’s my personal e-trade account. Yeah, I’m investing in the Yuan. Yeah, it’s Chinese.”

“How much you think we can get for the big flag?”

“See, no one’s gonna notice.”


“I don’t know where you came from or why you keep tryin’ to suck on my titty, but I think you’re cute and I’m gonna keep you, little pink monkey.”

“Y’all are cute and all, but I’ve got to go over here now.”

“One of y’all hand me my pills. Try and get the right ones this time—we’re goin’ to court.”
That’s Los Angeles County Superior Court Spokesperson Alan Parachini talking to reporters after Britney Spears’ custody hearing, and that’s a guy wearing a Hawaiian shirt and doll house for a helmet, holding up his cell phone. That’s about right.
“Yeah, see, right there, the pink thing hangin’ down. I know. I still would too.”

“Hey man, boy friend guy, come 're. I just wanted to say, as a guy, we all know what you’re up to, and it’s pretty shitty.”

At first I was going to write, “Now who should’ve gone to college, Mom?” but I think the symbolism in this photograph is a more powerful angle.

What’s your daddy do?
“He serves as a vessel in America’s failing ability to separate the difference between reality and tv.”
Does he like it?
“Don't know. I haven't seen him in years.”

Sure it’s a sleazy, but last week he was selling candy bars to pay for a trip to Washington DC.

C’mon ABC, I thought dinosaurs had some dignity.

“That’s a wrap. What’s slated for tomorrow? No shit? In her wedding dress? That’ll be great.”

“What show are you workin’ on next?”
Don’t know, it’s been rough since the strike. Hopefully this one will keep goin’ for a while. Looks like it should.”

“Listen up, people. Miss Spears has requested that everybody throw these small packages of rice as she leaves her custody hearing. She had the packages specially made with the date and each of your names on them.”
“I just wanted to make people’s life safer. What the fuck?! What the fuckin' fuck!?!”

I'm guessing the people in Kentwood are back to braggin’ about Rotary and the Lyon’s Club again.


Something tells me, when this many people are praying against a meeting about setting up more meetings to discuss the peace process, there ain’t gonna be peace any time soon.

Alli, Math was fun. Don’t change over the nuclear winter! LOL! BFF!!!

If Jewish girls didn’t have that whole bad blowjob thing, I’d totally be a Zionist.

“I swear to God, if another Christian asks me to be in their Nativity scene,I’m just going to blow the whole damn thing up.”

The Palestinians are clearly having way more fun fighting this war--
posing for new myspace pics in the middle of battle-- that's hardcore

I’ve got nothing against the Jews, but holy shit, these guys are so much hipper than them. Any minute now, a young Che Guevera could speed by on his moped.

Except for this guy.
He’s all, “hey, we’re at war-- whatever, I’m still gonna dance. Fuck you for judging me.”

"If I had known this Jihad had a hay ride, I would have signed up years ago."

Just doing his job.

Pursuing his passion.

He just wants it more.

The clever thing is, Israel doesn’t necessarily “bomb” the Palestinians or declare war, they just send in a construction crew and methodically raise your house. “What war? We’re just working on a new suburb.” Pretty fuckin’ clever.

“I’ve had enough. You wear your pants. I fucking quit!”


"well, I like the space, and the kitchen is nice,
but how often did you say the front gets sprayed?”

“I can’t believe you took a desk job. You’ve gotten soft.”

“Yeah, but you know how it is, with the Kathy and the kids and all…”

“First he tells us to drag the body to the East side of town, now he says drag it back downtown. Does he even know what a pain in the ass this is? I swear ever since he took that desk job, Ahmed has become such a dick.”

Israeli Prime Minister Ehud Olmert’s wife looks like she teaches art to under-privileged kids on the weekends to help her sleep.

A rare smile from President Bush as he realizes that in a year, all this shit will be somebody else’s problem.

Last semester, senior year.

Look over Olmert’s right shoulder. Has that bust of Lincoln always looked so depressed or is that something new?

"So if you don’t celebrate Chanukah, who does?”
“The Jews”
“Right right right, Gews.”

“Do you do this with your hands? I do this with my hands too. At least we’ve got that…”

“Seriously, thanks for comin’. Sure you don’t want a pinecone? All right then.”

“Dear God, please make me a bird, so I can fly, fly far far away..."

“Ehmud! Holy shit—good to see you! I can’t believe your still doin’ this shit—Jesus, it takes it’s toll. Listen, I gotta roll, the RV’s idlin’ outside.”

“Hold on—just one minute! I have to tell story of anthrax. You wouldn’t believe, he had full vile of anthrax and just wave it all over UN with straight face! No kidding, real-ass anthrax and a straight face!”