Monday, March 3, 2008


Padre Pio caught red-handed.

The Vatican has exhumed the body of Padre Pio, a monk who suffered the stigmata. The stigmata, of course, is when a person bleeds from the hands and feet as Christ did on the cross, or as scientists call it “bullshit."

Even setting the scientific legitimacy of stigmata aside, if the Church keeps digging people up after they’re dead, I might start to think Jesus didn’t rise again on the third day all by himself. Maybe the Apostles Weekend-at-Bernies’d the whole thing just live up the long weekend.

I would love to see a picture of the Priests gathering around the cemetery with shovels and upending a gravestone that reads “Rest In Peace.”

Of course, the real looser here is the gravedigger. Since Padre Pio’s only been buried for 40 years, it could well be the same guy. It sucks enough to dig a grave the first time, I imagine digging that same grave a second time would be all kinds of shitty.

No comments: