Monday, April 21, 2008

MINIMUM MONTHLY PAYMENT PHLOG

Bush’s economic stimulus checks are like getting a free $25 chip at a casino. You never leave the casino with that money.

No money down? Yeah, that’s sure to attract someone who can make payments on time.

Nothing says legit financial security like a giant house, a black jag, and two engagement rings.

Do you think Century 21 had any idea how shit out of luck they’d be in the 21st century when they named the company?

Yeah… I’d be more comfortable buying some 20th Century Realty.

British Chancellor Alistair Darling delivers his budget in a wooden box. Yes, in the year 2008, the national budget of England is delivered in a wooden box. Fuck you, advancing world.
If you’re still using a magnifying glass as one of your economic tools, you’re probably fucked. Actually, no—you should be fucked, but you probably have more money than me.

You know things are bad when you’ve got a homeless Asian dude.

“What if we put the graph in a mirror. It’d go up then.”

“Recession? No, I’m getting pepperoni.”

The hidden victims of the mortgage crisis… but also the hidden answer inflated food costs.

What is it about economic fears that makes cow’s tit secretions and chicken’s self aborted ovum so expensive?

“Come and take it now, fuckin’ bank! ”

“Yeah, it's pretty sweet. Only problem is, my framed diploma keeps pulling down the wall.”

..the Easter bunny, a leprechaun, and a minority couple getting a good fixed rate mortgage…

“Foreclosure” the scarlet letter of the 21st century.

Rich people are going to start buying up sprawling subdivisions and we’ll return to the feudal system. I call the clubhouse fief!

“God damn it! These modeling gigs for credit companies just aren’t covering the nut!”

“Got it, got it, maxed it, need it, want it, got it…”

“Fuck you, Mom, it’s my retirement fund!”

Bank of America lost $8 billion this quarter, but do they have to pay a $35 overdraft fee
every time they spend $1? No? Fuck you.

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