Thursday, May 8, 2008

HEZBOLLOG!

You always hear about the poor kids caught in the middle, but come on, this shit is fun if you’re 14.

See what I’m talkin’ about? Motorcycles and guns? This war is more fun that Greek Week at San Diego State.

“What’s up?”
“Not much, just rockin’ out, shootin’ some Sunnis."
"You goin’ out tonight?”

If you ever have a hard time telling whose militia and who’s military, just look at their shoes. Loafers = Militia.

The hat on top of the ski mask has no function; it’s purely fashion, which raises the question, why the dorky striped Dockers shirt?

If anyone ever teaches Arabs about sights and scopes we might be in some real trouble.

“Take that, vague area of sky!”

“I said HAULT!”
“And I said ‘whatever dude!’”

Despite a state-of-the-art composite helmet and face shield, a flak jacket and Kevlar forearm protectors, plus a fully loaded, fully automatic M-16 and and M2 equipped tank support, this guy got hit in the face by a rock. Classic.

This is what our country would look like if we were still fighting the Civil War. Shit, who am I kidding? This is what a lot of the South still looks like.

Somewhere a Lebanese trucker can’t figure out why he keeps driving in circles.

I’d have trouble sacrificing my life for a Sheik who’s so scared of dying that he’s hidden away in a secret location…

…and is still scared shitless.

I think a lot of this is a giant game of chicken, because smoking tires and shirtless boys don’t really make for the most effective roadblock.

If that line of tanks can’t make it over that dirt, these guys don’t deserve to stay in power.

If you see some armies jackin’ around and having fun it means they will lose their battle because they’re not prepared, but when you see Hezbollah rebels hunker down and smoke a hookah on a dirt roadblock, you know they’re going to win, ‘cause this shit doesn’t even phase them.

Yeah, those are the rebels playing soccer right by the war line, while the Lebanese army is locked in the bathroom with the nervous shits.

If these two guys were sitting on the corner in New York, the entire city would shut down, but in Lebanon these two chubbies are going out for some baklava.

“All clear. Game on.”

He’s got to be hot in that hat.

Nothing burns faster than a hippy bus in Beirut.

Samsung seems to be a bit out of touch.

“Fuck this shit.”

*Hey, if you liked this phlog, go up to the top of the page on the right and click to subscribe to EW@EW in your reader of choice. If you don't use a blog reader yet, get with it and google "reader" or just enter your email address midway down the page on the right to get updates in your inbox. If you're one of those molly coddle nancies who got offended by this, you should subscribe too to keep your outrage up to date. Thank you and fuck yourself, respectively.*

No comments: