Wednesday, May 21, 2008

SCARLETT JOHANNSON RELEASES FINAL ALBUM: PHLOG

Scarlett Johansson's album is officially as bad as this picture is hot.

If she had just held a microphone to her vagina, I would own three copies, yet I don’t know a single person who bought or stole her album.

Just because the band let’s you on stage at Coachella doesn’t mean your mic is turned on.

So this album actually was recorded in a studio and not a walrus slaughter yard?

When you sing a Tom Waits song with David Bowie and it still sounds like a bagpipe queefing in mono, you’ve really fucked up.

Her album and that bra: two things that are pissing me off right now.

“Please, can I record an album? Pleeeeeeeease?”

“I don’t get it. Why would anyone tell me I’m good if I’m not? I have the best tits in Hollywood!”

This hooker dress is more tasteful than her album.

The only good thing to come out of her singing career will be the influx in photoshopped fake blow job pics.

When you sing that badly, you have to marry a Canadian. We Americans just aren’t that polite.

If Scarlet was singing while I was fucking her, I wouldn’t be able to cum, and I’d be too pissed off to try to fake it.

Shave you legs in my sink, whatever, just keep your damn fool mouth shut.

The stupid hat I can deal with…

and the retard at camp shorts I can get past…

But if anyone ever hands her a microphone again, I’m going to cut off my dick.

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