Wednesday, May 21, 2008


This picture is not of the UFO spotted in Africa. They don't have cameras.

Residents in Namibia, Africa reported seeing an unidentified flying object last night overhead. But don’t get too excited, most of Namibia’s yet to even identify a street light, so pretty much anything shiny in the sky qualifies as a UFO.

However, if it was aliens, it would actually be very advantageous to us Earthlings if they landed in Africa. First off, the AIDS will get ‘em fast. It’s hard to cleanly anal probe an entire African village with no meat on their bones. There’s gonna be some open wounds on both ends. Plus, when you anally probe someone, it’s like your anally probing everyone they ever anally probed, plus every child they ever gang raped in attempt to cure their AIDS.

Secondly, landing in Africa first would give the aliens false confidence about our readiness for war. Africa is still thousands of years away from manufacturing a car and still one wheel short of a bicycle. They’re closer to developing a cure for HIV than they are a nuclear weapon—at least Africa has the HIV. Plus the ones that do have guns can’t shoot worth a shit.

Thirdly, and I don’t condone this any more than shoving AIDSy razorblades in every African villagers anus, but on the off chance that the aliens are just here to acquire some slave labor, at least we know the village leaders are willing to negotiate and prepared to move large amounts of product. If they were willing to swap thousands of slaves for trinkets and pancakes, imagine what how many they would give up for an ounce of antimatter.

Plus, if the aliens take all the Africans to be slaves in outerspace, the South is going to look a lot better by contrast: at least we kept them on Earth. Splitting up families of slaves in different universes is just rude. Plus it will be a whole lot to easier to ignore the suffering of Africans if they’re in another galaxy.

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