Monday, June 30, 2008

WORLDWIDE GAY PRIDE: PHLOG

“C’mon man. The wings don’t really work. If you want me to suck your dick, you’re gonna have to get off those stilts.”

If you were a skirt that short, you can’t act surprised when your dick hangs out.

“Love me.”

Ok, I believe you—you were born different.

Other minorities don’t act like feared stereotypes of themselves at their parade. This old queen is the equivalence of an MLK parade float featuring dope smokin’, chicken wing eatin’ black guys fuckin' white women.

“Oh no! I lost a contact lens, what on Earth will happen to me when I bend over to find it!? OK, I am going to bend over now. Anyone?

Jesus, could you imagine if how loud, tacky, and aggrandizing the parade would be in Catholic guilt didn’t keep gay Puerto Ricans so far in the closet?

88 people were arrested after attacking the gay pride parade in Bulgaria. I’m guessing at least 87 of those tried to cop a feel during the fight, and then went home and punched themselves in the balls as they masturbated.

Like this guy: right ear pierced, really short hair, meticulously groomed facial hair—totally gay. Why don’t you just stay home and protest in front of the mirror while you’re jacking off?

If the GOP gets a hold of this picture, they could kill two birds with one stone this election season.

Being gay is the least of this guy’s problems.

I hope that’s not a long stemmed flower, but I have a bad feeling it is.

Damn. I always thought the whole “what’s next, are we going to let a man marry a dog?” argument was bullshit.

These guys are praying against the gay right’s parade in Mea Shearim. I wonder if it bothers the guy on the right that most gay guys have kissed more girls than he has?

As if being Jewish in the Middle East isn’t hard enough, this guy thinks God wants him to wear a fucking burlap sack. What a shitty fucking life. No wonder he prays against people.

Who would you rather hang out with?

Can you imagine how much Israeli drag queens must love Barbara Streisand?

How many times can you grab an Israeli police officers crotch before he snaps and kills someone?

Friday, June 27, 2008

THE WORLD WILL END THIS SUNDAY AT 7:34 AM EST

The world’s a fucked up place, and it has been for a while.

So God sends his Son to Earth to fix things.

Only problem is, the Son of God is 13, and a bit of a pyromaniac.

He’s been starting fires across the country.

“Ha Ha! Fuck you! Do you know who my Dad is?!”

And busting up levees just for the fuck of it.

“That what you get for taking my name in vain, douche!”

Some of it seems justified.

And Christ comes by it honestly. His father was a bit of a dick too in his younger, old testament days too.

Meanwhile, us Earthlings are running out of resources,

So our twin planet, which we recently discovered comes to the rescue.

They send ships with more trees, oil, and some healthy snacks.

But we shoot them down, because we’re the evil twin.

Which literally adds fuel to the fires, and sets the whole country ablaze.

Israel sees their biggest ally in flames, so they take a cue from their security force, and everyone kills themselves.

Once all the Jews in the Middle East are dead, the Muslims realize there’s no point to living if there are no Jews to kill, so they all kill themselves too.

Same shit, different day.

Then once all the Arabs are dead, Americans seem to loose a lust for life too, and everything seems pointless with out Muslims to kill. So Americans and Europeans all kill themselves too.

With all the Americans dead, China realizes they have no jobs left to steal and no dirty one to give dirty loans to, so they all line up to kill themselves.

India too.

Before long, the only people left are Russia, thanks to their continuation of post Soviet isolation.

Then, Sunday morning, another ship from our good twin planet lands, and takes the one good person left on Earth.

Well, she’s really not that good or pure of heart, but she’s sure as shit hot, and not evil Earth could use some of that.

Once Sharapova is gone, Russians officially have nothing to live for, so they all kill themselves too.

It’s 7:34 AM Sunday morning and we’re all dead and the world has ended.

Wednesday, June 25, 2008

MARIA SHARAPOVA PLAYED AT WIMBLEDON OR SOMETHING I THINK

I’m guessing somebody has already photoshopped a big dick into this picture, or maybe just some hairy, meaty hands clinched on her shoulders from behind.

When will women’s tennis take a hint from beach volleyball and finish the job they started, completely exploit the broads, and put them in bikinis? Add just a little more skin and mic the grunts, then all of the sudden you have a pay-per-view sensation.

“Right-o, it’s appears her bum is safe, but we best keep watching it.”

In all my fantasies of having sex with Maria Sharapova, until now I never imagined she would be raping me.

I love it when tennis chicks shove the balls up in their panties, but sometimes I wonder where they go when I can’t see the bulge.

You can only get that look on Maria’s face by growing up in a country that has no legal definition of rape. Dating must have sucked.

Mother Russia must have been one sexy bitch.

How many people have looked at this picture and not thought about shoving that racket up her cooch? Maybe three?

All the seats on that side are empty, because everyone’s sitting behind her.

There’s not a camel in the world with toes that delicate and sexy.

If you ever come across a woman that looks this good in Russia, and she’s into you, be careful, because somebody’s about to take all your money kill you.

I know it’s hard to eat a banana and not look like you’re sucking a dick, but she’s covering her teeth with her lips for fuck’s sake.

Holy shit, she just got hotter!

Who’s the bigger douche bag, the sleazy photog who shot her crotch, or her PR guy who set it up?

I hope there’s a brief window between when Sharpova is too old to play tennis and when her Russian genes beef her up like a Cro-Magnon cow with a unibrow, so she actually will do some nudes.

Never mind. This will do.