Monday, June 9, 2008


“A black guy?!?”

“Three fucking fifths of a man!”

“But just wait. I’ll be VP and someone will shoot him.”

“Someone WILL shoot him.”

“I told you what to do! Why are you all still standing there just looking at me?!”

You can tell she’s doing that really slow, deliberate, evil clap.

“Meh, she’s lost it.”

“Still #1!”

“Hey Chels, poke your eye. It makes it look like you’re crying.”

I know he’s her dad, but still, his hand should be closer to her kneed and further from her vagina.

“Holy shit! Three black people still like me!”

Even if Hillary had won, it wouldn’t change all the bad shit men have done to her.

Then, suddenly, and all at once, every last one of Hillary’s supporters synched up menstrual cycles and bled like a Biblical plague.

Yeah, on her knees!

Something would have been horribly wrong with this country if Ted Danson and his wife got to pick the President.

Next step in the middle aged women’s lib movement? New haircuts.

The only thing worse than being beaten by your husband is having him shout “I told you so” the whole time.

“Wait! Can I give you a resume??

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