Monday, June 2, 2008

HILLARY'S CRUISE SHIP STOPS IN PUERTO RICO: PHLOG

When your last best chance to be President is to cruise around in a one car parade on an island that can’t even legally vote in Presidential elections, you’re fucked.

Seriously? This is what it’s come down to? I hope the car horn plays “La cucaracha”

“What time do we need to be back on the ship? I want to get a taco, from some place clean. Oh look, a pizza hut!”

I believe this is what marketers refer to as “an active lifestyle.”

Most Puerto Ricans actually don’t want to be Americans. I can see why.

“Listen China boy, you can smile and wave all you want, but don’t tell me what to do. I will show up and do my job every day, as long as the checks clear, but I am not going to act like we have a chance of winning this fucking election or that I give a shit. So you can point, smile, and jack off in your own mouth all you want, but I’m just doin’ enough not to get fired.”

Hey look, white people control Puerto Rico too!

I bet she’d be pissed if she knew Hillary is in Puerto Rico.

Hillary Clinton speaks to the union representing actors who play doctors in pharmaceutical commercials.

That little girl is giving Hillary the finger.

She’s not waving to Hillary. She’s waving at the camera.

Puerto Ricans love a parade. And driving slowly and honking your horn counts as a parade in Puerto Rico.

The Hillary campaign started making these posters to compete with the Che Geuvara photoshop filter Obama posters, but instead of making her look like a populist, she looks like an over the hill, multimedia German artist from the late 80’s.

Oh, you’re friends with Puerto Rican rappers? I guess you should be President.

“Dad, stop goofing around!”

“Listen honey, if you want to stand here, defend your mom’s hypocritical policies, and explain her lies while not tipping off how she plans to steal the election, go right ahead, but me, I’m playing this damn guitar.”

Yes, it does say “Presidente” but I’d like to reiterate, one more time, Puerto Ricans can’t vote in the Presidential election.

She looks like last week’s hardboiled egg.

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