Tuesday, June 3, 2008

SPACE SHUTTLE LAUNCH PHLOG

I’m not sure NASA should be taking their PR photos in front of a Windstream trailer. Seems a bit off target and kind sends out the wrong message.

Don’t jinx it dude. Save that thumbs up for when you land.

Even before they had launched, each of the male astronauts had privately talked to Karen about doin’ it in space.

“Can you tell I have boner?”

"Save it for the lawsuit Karen, save it for the lawsuit. Big house, lots of dogs. Big house, lots of dogs…"

Japanese astronaut Akihiko Hoshide waves awkwardly as the rest of the crew realizes they weren’t able to bring their 50 foot, laser-tipped inspection boom because an enormous, billion dollar Japanese lab takes up too much space.

The lab is named Kibo, Japanese for hope, which is basically all they can do without the inspection boom.

The Japanese have put billions of dollars into this lab and claim it’s for important research, but you know they’re just looking for a way to make their dicks bigger or they’re testing some weird masochistic sex toy that makes women shit themselves.

Deputy Directors of the space station watch as “spare parts” are removed from the station’s failing commode. Suffice it to say, the space program has really lost a lot of luster.

The shuttle cockpit still looks like science fiction from the 50’s. NASA should bring in some people from Mac. Maybe get some color monitors or something.

Is that John Locke? Lost really got weird this year.


“Hey dipfuck, if you eat all the chocolate space ice cream I’m not letting you back in after your space walk, and don’t act like all we got is vanilla. I can see teeth marks and traces of chocolate on those.”

For NASA’s 46th annual Christmas card that reads: Suck it, Russia!

2:1 odds after landing, Shuttle Pilot Kenneth Ham turns to booze and pills because nothing on earth impresses him anymore.

Only a Japanese scientist could manage not to smile while floating with no gravity.

“Yeah, I get it, Something about Mary, with the cum in her hair. Look, Ken, we’ve talked about these comments.”

“C’mon, show me your tits! It’ll be like your 16!”

“Sorry we were late Billy, maybe they’ll let you go next time. Now where’s daddy’s drink?”

“Look honey, now’s not really the best time to talk about where my priorities have fallen over the past 27 years.”

Oh, no wonder NASA hasn’t done anything more impressive in decades: all our rocket scientist are white.

For each of these three suits clapping, there's a team of 50 smart and talented, hard working scientists that fucking hates them.

“Hell yeah! This is why I moved to Florida!”

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