Wednesday, June 18, 2008

THERE'S A WAR IN AFGHANISTAN? PHLOG

“Just a tiny little jailbreak. Tiny, tiny, tiny. Just 1100 Taliban escaped.”

I hope the song "Jailbreak" by Thin Lizzy was playing in the background when it went down.

Short of a nuke turning the desert to glass, at least Afghanistan will never run out of sandbags.

Okay, we tried letting President Karzai wear this hat and be in charge, and now it clearly hasn’t worked, so how about we get him to take it off?

That navy blazer is the manifestation of the thin line between Eastern and Western culture that Karzai must skate… plus he can’t afford brass buttons for it.

If you’re looking for a very durable and very affordable truck, I’d get whatever the Pakistani army uses.

On the right is an Afghan journalist jailed for insulting Islam… so… we lost this war too?

“Look, if you want to be President of Afghanistan, be my guest! Yeah, I didn’t think so.”

Burn it, stomp it, spit on it, then go back to the factory and make another one, assholes.

I wish we were this politically impassioned.

In all fairness, it looked a lot like this before the attacks.

Is it just me, or is the Afghani police department wearing uniforms donated by the wardrobe department from the movie “Toys?” Plus that truck says “Poo.” Ha, poo!

"Now if I search that car, and I find a grinder organ and a dancing monkey, I’m gonna be really pissed off!”

That little girl is selling the cleanest heroin I’ve ever seen.

Every time allied forces raid a home in Afghanistan, it must be like that scene in “Back to the Future” when Michael J. Fox dressed up like an alien and forces headphones playing Van Halen on his dad while he’s sleeping.

“Hey Mom, I don’t think we’re gonna sell any mayonnaise today.”

Oh, now I get it. They make the women cover their faces, because they’re constantly panicking about how shitty their lives are.

Is that a training bra on his head?

That’s an Afghani hooker. Talk about buying a pig in a poke.

I’m guessing you have to pay upfront before she takes off her burka.

In this photograph, there are 12 reasons this Afghani woman could be killed. How many can you spot?

In a country where the main crop is poppy, you know these stressed-all-to-hell soldiers go fucking nuts on their day off.

American soldiers wouldn’t put up with this kind of royal bullshit.

Oh, wait...

I hope that troop’s really Canadian, and he’s not just pullin’ that trick Americans use when they backpack through Europe.

I don’t know why, but I really want this image airbrushed onto a commemorative plate.

Lt. Ahmed waits for the perfect moment to swipe the only partially scorched tire.

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