Monday, June 2, 2008

UNIVERSAL FIRE PHLOG

In 6 weeks there will be dozens of scripts for Cloverfield style faux-gorilla films about how the studio caught fire while they were taping a disaster movie and they just kept shooting…

“Boo hoo, now I can’t make shitty movies.”

This really makes Michael Bay’s job look easy. Now try spending a little time on the script, asshole.

"So really, is the park closed, or you just fucking with us?"

New York Street was badly burnt. Before they fix it, they should film a 9/11 movie. For once that street would look real.

The tour guides must be pissed, now they’re going to have to learn new lines.

It’s pissing me off right now that I’m inhaling the toxic smoke from this fire, but I have to admit, I’ve wanted Universal Studios and Universal City burnt to the ground for years.

Thank God, now I don’t have to do that damn show at the Saddle Ranch tonight.

I hope the Shrek 4D “ride” burnt to the fucking ground. Spraying the back of my neck with water when Shrek sneezes doesn’t exactly constitute four dimensional entertainment experience. Sneezes exist in three dimensions. The fourth dimension is time, and it doesn’t count as a 4-D experience just because I waited in line for an hour

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