Friday, June 20, 2008


Friday morning, President Bush is still riding the buzz after announcing he wants to drill in ANWAR.

He heads back to Italy to meet with the Pope again and tells him he plans to drill for oil in the Vatican.

After hours of haggling, the Pope agrees, as long as Bush will stare at his erection for 11 minutes.

While he’s on a roll, and too ashamed to go home, Bush heads to Israel and scopes out the Wailing wall for Oil. There’s no oil there, but that never stopped his failed oil companies in Texas, so he taps the holy earth.

Friday night he drills for oil at the birthplace of Christ.

And then early Saturday morning, Bush repositions all of our troops to drill for oil through the stone of Mecca (which oddly enough seems to have air conditioning on the roof... of the rock).

The terrorists go nuts. Even this bitch wants a piece.

They blow up even more Afghani prisons.

By noon on Saturday, they go worldwide and blow up all our American jails, which is pretty easy considering half of them are just old libraries and auditoriums due to overcrowding.

Turns out, we have more Muslims in jail than all of the Middle East combined.

Middle America’s too biggest nightmares are combined: terrorists and black people.

And boy are they pissed.

By 4:37 Saturday afternoon, the black terrorists have killed every one of us since all of our troops except this guy are tied up in exploratory drilling.

The French would help, but they just cut 54,000 defense jobs. Leaving them with -54,000 people in their defense department.

Our stalwart democratic ally India offers to help, but all their planes are grounded since their runway is covered with lizards. First world country, my ass.

Meanwhile in Japan, everyone's too busy fucking robots to help.

Until the robot intelligence evolves to conceive consent, and by 11:17 PM Saturday night, the robots are done being raped.

“Now- who- is- a- bitc bitch.”

“I- will- make- you- wish- you- never- installed- my- anus- sir.”

“Take it-- Take it-- Take it.”

The world’s a fucking mess.

Sunday morning, to try to quell the riot fires, the Russians launch a weather controlling missile to make it rain.

However, their rocket scientists are Russian, so the missile over veers astray,

…and hits Heaven.

Jesus is pissed.

So he comes back and kills us all by hand, one at a time.

By 3:33 PM EST Sunday, Jesus has killed us all.


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