Friday, June 27, 2008


The world’s a fucked up place, and it has been for a while.

So God sends his Son to Earth to fix things.

Only problem is, the Son of God is 13, and a bit of a pyromaniac.

He’s been starting fires across the country.

“Ha Ha! Fuck you! Do you know who my Dad is?!”

And busting up levees just for the fuck of it.

“That what you get for taking my name in vain, douche!”

Some of it seems justified.

And Christ comes by it honestly. His father was a bit of a dick too in his younger, old testament days too.

Meanwhile, us Earthlings are running out of resources,

So our twin planet, which we recently discovered comes to the rescue.

They send ships with more trees, oil, and some healthy snacks.

But we shoot them down, because we’re the evil twin.

Which literally adds fuel to the fires, and sets the whole country ablaze.

Israel sees their biggest ally in flames, so they take a cue from their security force, and everyone kills themselves.

Once all the Jews in the Middle East are dead, the Muslims realize there’s no point to living if there are no Jews to kill, so they all kill themselves too.

Same shit, different day.

Then once all the Arabs are dead, Americans seem to loose a lust for life too, and everything seems pointless with out Muslims to kill. So Americans and Europeans all kill themselves too.

With all the Americans dead, China realizes they have no jobs left to steal and no dirty one to give dirty loans to, so they all line up to kill themselves.

India too.

Before long, the only people left are Russia, thanks to their continuation of post Soviet isolation.

Then, Sunday morning, another ship from our good twin planet lands, and takes the one good person left on Earth.

Well, she’s really not that good or pure of heart, but she’s sure as shit hot, and not evil Earth could use some of that.

Once Sharapova is gone, Russians officially have nothing to live for, so they all kill themselves too.

It’s 7:34 AM Sunday morning and we’re all dead and the world has ended.


Patrick said...


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