Thursday, July 24, 2008

CHRIST ON A CRACKER! PHLOG

If the Earth born son of an omnipotent God has the power to appear in multidimensional realms, don’t you think he could find a better medium than pancakes? They’re not even that good for breakfast, much less hosting the Son of God’s likeness.

Maybe it’s just me, but insisting that Virgin Mary is hanging out right next to your pet turtle’s vagina seems a little sacrilegious. It’s odd how Catholics hold everything and nothing sacred at the same time.

If Jesus appeared in my fish sticks, I’d ask him for a better dinner.

Okay, I can see Jesus in this tree, which of course makes me think they’ll probably cut it down and kill it.

I’m not seeing a lot going on here, unless you worship burnt lasagna. Fucking Italians.

Gee, I wonder if somebody was drunk when they thought they saw Jesus at the top of this bottle.

Cheesus Quesadilla.

I don’t think it counts if Jesus appears in your sketchbook.

It would be one thing if the baby Jesus appeared in your sonogram, but a miniature, fully grown Jesus on the cross growing in your belly is a little creepy, and Lord knows it’s gonna hurt to pass that.

This looks more like a woman’s reproductive system then Jesus to me.

This could be Jesus if the top of his head was cut off and he liked to hang out with people who don’t clean their pots and pans.

I never realized that the Virgin Mary has such a striking resemblance to Marilyn Monroe and burnt bread. That grilled cheese sold for $28,000. If you’re willing to pay that much money for a sandwich that might be holy, you must be trying to cover your ass for some seriously fucked up and evil shit you’ve done.

Admittedly, this cinnamon bun does look a lot like Mother Teresa, but really, don’t they all?

Great, now you can literally be spoon fed religion.

This image of the Virgin Mary appeared on a woman’s cell phone screen after her daughter put it in the microwave. If I were her, I would pray to the Virgin Mary and ask her why my family’s so fucking retarded.

Apparently this seashell is the Virgin Mary, though to me it more closely resembles an otter wearing a cape and flying through the sky, which to me is about as plausible as most Christian stories.

This looks like someone burnt their husbands pancake, but didn’t want to get beat up again, so she acted like Jesus and his buddy appeared on his breakfast.

Why are Jesus and Mary in so many fucking pancakes? I’m guessing people who are shit out of luck and looking for hope in any form must eat a lot of pancakes.

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