Wednesday, July 9, 2008

COMMUNION KILLS!

"Eat this bread and think of me… Oh! And you have to try the crab cakes! Get a bight with some remoulade, it’s divine! C’mon guys, it’s my last supper, who wants dessert?"

Webster Cook, a student from the University of Central Florida has received death threats and has been sworn to eternal damnation after he took his communion wafer home to show a friend. Apparently the Catholic Church doesn’t do doggy bags.

Catholics believe that the communion wafer transubstantiates or literally becomes the body of Christ when you put it in your mouth, which to me either seems a lot like cannibalism or totally queer.

While taking the body of Christ home in a baggy may seem disrespectful to his corpse, it doesn’t seem quite as bad as St. Thomas and St. Peter who asked to finger Jesus’ wounds after he rose from the dead—that is just fucked up, and they’re saints now for Christ’s sake.

A spokesperson for the local diocese said although they don’t know what the kid’s motivation was “ if anything were to qualify as a hate crime, to us this seems like this might be it.” Well if reaming young boys' assholes qualifies as spreading God’s love, I guess taking a snack to a friend would be hate.

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