Tuesday, July 15, 2008

SOUTH CAROLINA IS SO CLOSETED

Self-loathing closeted homosexuals and fear mongers in my home state of South Carolina are up in arms (presumably each others) over an ad campaign in London aimed to attract gay tourism to the Palmetto State with the slogan “South Carolina is So Gay!”

First off, in all honesty South Carolina is kind of gay. When I moved to LA, the only people that looked like everyone back home were the clean-shaven, shirtless boys with short haircuts in West Hollywood.

I have long suspected that you can’t buy liquor after dark in South Carolina because by the end of the day, most of the gentile Southern lawmakers and church leaders are just one drink away from blowing a little boy.

However, I feel this whole campaign is a ploy to lure fancy pants British gays over, and then beat their fit bloody corpses within an inch of their life, all the while taking turns fucking them in every unholy hole they have, and then creating a few new ones.

As a kid, whenever we went to the beach, I used to like to play a game called “Gay or European.” It’s like “I spy” but with far less categories. Now it looks like we’ll need to add a third option: both. 

1 comment:

Jerell said...

I rather my state be gay than extremely racist...but that's just me. Bring on the rainbow flag and the Judy Garland LP's.