Monday, July 28, 2008


After a lifetime seeking revenge on aliens for a childhood abduction, Dr. Kivitz was most disappointed to find out the aliens don’t even have an anus to seek probing vengeance on. Damn little grey men are always one step ahead.

Former astronaut Edgar Mitchell, the sixth man to walk on the moon claims that alien life has visited Earth and is likely among us now, which is good news to people like me who wonder where the fuck did all these Armenians come from and why are they so weird? However, I didn’t realize the aliens would be so hairy.

Mitchell claims that out government covered up the Roswell incident years ago because they didn’t know if the aliens were harmful and they didn’t want Soviets to know about the crash, which seems counterintuitive to me. If I wanted to scare a cold war enemy, the first thing I would do is brag about having the aliens on my side. Sure, you might have some rinky-dink mid-range missiles and Cuba on your team, but we have tiny grey men with miraculous strength and technology that dwarves our own, much less your potato cannons.

While it’s great news for alien enthusiasts to have an astronaut’s confirmation, conspiracy theorist who believe in aliens, but don’t believe we landed on the moon, must feel very conflicted right now. 

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