Friday, July 25, 2008

THE WORLD WILL END THIS SUNDAY AT 12:12 PM EST

Friday morning, the Obama World Tour ’08 is in full swing.

Even Coldplay, the world’s least offensive and most middle of the road band, has signed on as the opening act,

and T-shirt sales are through the roof.

His shirts are even outselling the Che Guevara Atlantic City edition shirts.

Things get even hotter after when Obama picks up some new security from the class of 100 recent female Iraqi Police Academy grads.

Who would you rather have protect you in a foreign country, these guys or…

These smoking hot Kurdish chicks.

Plus you know these Kurdish chicks have seen some seriously fucked up shit in their lives and won’t be phased by someone pulling out a gun. Hell, most of them were molested and abused by men as the doctor pulled them out of the womb.

Meanwhile Friday afternoon, the rest of the world finally realizes that the Catholic Church just wrapped up something in Australia called “World Youth Day,” which is roughly the equivalence of the Klan hosting an interactive MLK day parade, but with more reluctant blowjobs.

Suddenly all across Australia, the image of Christ starts appearing

In stained Papal bed sheets,

bloody underwear,

and soiled condoms.

Saturday morning, Obama and his army of smokin’ hot Kurdish chicks take the controversial stance of opposing Catholic child rape.

The crowd goes wild and agrees, child rape is bad!

The cheers and support drive Obama to make a quick stop at the Vatican.

And he bitch slaps the Pope.

The crowd goes even wilder.

Obama distracts the Pope by raising his hand as if he was going to bitch slap him again.

The Pope covers his face, but Obama pulls a quick one and kicks him in the ribs.

and points at him mockingly.

The crowd overflows with joy, as Obama mugs for the masses,

And puts his hand to his ear, Macho Man Randy Savage style, acting like he can’t hear them.

But the Pope jumps to his feet and pokes Obama in the eye.

Then the Pope sneaks up behind him and smacks him across the back with a folding chair.

The Pope stands over Obama’s unconscious body, taunting him.

"I'm the Pope, motherfucker!"

The Pope’s not ready to meet his maker just yet, since he hasn’t figured out how to explain his supervisory role in the largest child-molesting cartel in history.

Obama’s down on the ground. the Pope wipes the blood from his mouth and gets hard.

He starts to loosen his robes and prepare the sacrificial rape alter.

Jesus can’t take anymore of this shit, so he comes down and kills them both.

Jesus was just going to kill the two of them and leave it at that, but he sees how much his image is being used with out his permission.

And it’s not just to sell t-shirts.   

People are marketing his image on shit like fish sticks and pancakes, and then selling it for thousands of dollars.

Jesus is super pissed, so he kills us all with Godly karate.

It’s 12:12 PM EST Sunday, and the world has ended.

1 comment:

Evren said...

I'm almost going to feel a twinge of guilt when the Turkish military takes out those Kurdish guards with an American made rocket.