Tuesday, July 22, 2008

WORLD YOUTH FUCKER DAY: PHLOG

“Can you believe they let us hold a celebration called ‘World Youth Day?!’ This is even better than when we mandated pediatric prostate exams!”

This year at World Youth Day, the clergy set an official world record for the most boners duct taped to their legs at once.

“So then I said, look kid, are you gonna sit on your knees and wonder whether there’s a God, or are you gonna finish sucking my dick!?”

“Whew! That 14 year-old spunk is giving me heartburn.”

Think some of my molestation jokes are going too far? That’s a clergyman holding a sign, offering kids a chance to get into heaven if they kiss him.

Curbside pickup.

“Oooh yeah, just a little longer.”

“Oh, the Cardinals are going to love this one!”

The Pope is clearly annoyed that someone old enough to grow a beard was allowed in Youth Day.

Uh-oh! It’s like when a great white shark sees a wounded seal swimming alone in the middle of the ocean.

“Target identified!”

“I’m too big to be molested now!”  

“But I miss it sometimes. Please take me again.”

This century, the Catholic Church has adopted the same strategy as the tobacco companies: shilling their product to developing countries lagging in science.

Wow, that jewel encrusted hat woven from gold thread really reminds me of the crown of thorns Jesus wore.

And that shiny, solid gold cross is just like the giant, splintery, wooden one Jesus had to carry through the streets before he got nailed to it.

But of course, Jesus had a nicer Mercedes.

At first the pirate flag seems out of place, but upon second consideration, it’s very appropriate.

I’ll give you one guess which one was hired to blame all the child abuse on.

“Toodle-loo!”

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