Wednesday, August 13, 2008

BIGFOOT'S DEAD!

Bigfoot occasionally came down from the mountain for snacks and rapes.

Two men from Clayton, Georgia claim to have recovered the body of Bigfoot and plan to unveil it later this week. I really, really hope this actually is Bigfoot’s body— one, because I’ve been looking forward to a yeti discovery all my life, and two, because if this corpse isn’t Bigfoot, that means it’s someone else’s body, and that’s really fucked up.

If this isn’t Bigfoot, that means these guys found some poor, dead, hairy and naked guy leaning against a tree in the North Georgia mountains. That alone isn’t so bad, hell, throw in a bottle of whiskey, and it’s how I plan to go out. But having your corpse turn into a story on Fox News as two yokels drag it across the country in search of fame and cigarette money is a disgrace no one should be forced to suffer.

On Friday, the two men will unveil the results of scientific tests done on the Bigfoot. However, after having grown up in the area, I can confidently say I know how the test results will come back: hunting accident.

In the end, I just hope these two guys get a book deal and no ghostwriter. I would read that shit twice. 

1 comment:

D Paige said...

Hi!

Just so you know--the guys weren't from Clayton, Georgia (the city), they were from Clayton County, Georgia. BIG difference, but the national news didn't make it too clear.

Just wanted you to know, because I'm from Clayton, Georga, and we do NOT claim those guys. Idiots.