Tuesday, August 5, 2008


"So you’re an actress and a singer? Why don’t you go ahead and do the 'L' and the 'A' then. That’s a nice skirt. How long you been in town?"

A new study of world currency has found that American dollars have the world’s largest amounts of cocaine on them. This is not only good news for Mary-Kate Olsen, but also the American economy.  Now let’s see if Europeans keep refusing our dollars. Pompous, greasy-haired, discothèque assholes.

Like a gold coin, the dollar now has some intrinsic value. Even if our economy disintegrates to nothing, our money will still have worldwide worth.

However, this trend doesn’t apply to crystal meth, seeing as meth heads generally don’t even have a dollar. But I’m guessing America’s nasty, old reused McDonald’s milkshake straws in the gutter have high crystal concentrates.

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