“Hey Mom, how come you keep moving? Hey Mom, how come you’re out of milk? Hey Mom, how come some rich asshole’s fucking a 19 year-old slut on your back?”
An orphaned humpback whale has been nuzzling up to the bottom of a yacht off Australia, mistaking the boat for its mother, which is horribly sad, but further proves my theory that the “Adopt a Whale” program is full of shit. I tried to adopt three humpback whales when I was a kid, and I didn’t get shit, then this rich yacht just cruises by and gets a baby whale. Fuck that noise.