Tuesday, August 5, 2008

MCCAIN & OBAMA PHLOG

At the Biker Rally in Sturgis, McCain finally figured out the only way he can compete with Obama’s massive crowd turnout is just to show up where there is already a huge crowd, and then act like they came to see you.

“Well, honey, if I buy the shirt with the woman’s exposed bosoms, they might think I’m one of them.” 

“John that’s so trashy.” 

“Fine then, we’ll go with ‘if you can read this, my bitch fell off.’

Obama leads by nearly 100% in polls of people who regularly wear purple.

Rob Portman, the former White House Budget Director for Bush is being considered for McCain’s VP slot. However, picking Bush’s budget director as a running mate would be akin to appointing Adolf Eichmann as the treasurer of Hillel: pure death. 

“Seriously, is he considering Portman? That’s awesome. This could only be better if he calls me a nigger.”

“I thought it was ironic that you’re wearing white collared shirts, and I’m wearing a blue collared one, so I sent your jobs overseas.”

It’s hard to say which one wants to fuck Obama more.

John Rich, half of Big & Rich wrote and performed a song called “Raisin’ McCain” which is funny because, McCain kind of looks like a raisin, and the song represents the kind of bullshit, prefab image, hallmark-card-lyrics, and simplistic musical style that has become synonymous with Nashville and serves as a perfect metaphor for GOP politics.

“Now if you’d just inflate your tire, we could solve the energy crisis.”

It’s got to be hard to get donors to shill out thousands of dollars a plate to eat with McCain when the old man probably chokes and spits his way through a meal like an aging rottweiler.

“It’s just been so hard since the divorce, and then here you are…”

I’m guessing this guy’s been holding a grudge for losing his job a long time ago. A long, long time ago.

The risk-reward equation of John McCain speaking at the National Urban League conference just didn’t seem to add up for one paranoid, racist security guard in the back.

McCain’s inner circle works on a relatable speech for the National Urban League.

John McCain and the President of the National Urban League share a good laugh about why the hell he even came there.

“No, Esther, it actually felt just like a white person’s skin. I swear—just the same.”

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