Wednesday, September 17, 2008

A-I-JEEESUS HELP US! PHLOG

Okay, I need you to take that scared panicky feeling, and just squosh it way down inside. Stuff it deep down in you, right next to that priest from the church camping trip, and don’t think about it.”

“You! You’re thinking about the problem! Stop thinking about the problem! If you think about the problem, your grandmother’s going to stop getting her check and die, and it’ll be all your fault!”

“Jesus Christ! Don’t panic or I’ll choke the bitch!”

“But don’t worry, the federal government’s in charge now. And everyone knows we’re good with money.”

“Could you give one example of this government succeeding with finance or even balancing a departmental budget?”

 “Fuck this shit—I’m out of here. God damn black hole machine's gonna kill us anyway.”

“Even I saw this shit coming. Pull your heads out of your asses, people!”

Days like this are the reason financial institutions put revolving doors in their lobbies.

“Hmmm, should I tell them now, or watch the look on their face when they try to open the door?”

“Yeah! Now who’s mocking the guy with an hourly wage?! Next year I get Christmas off, bitch!”

It’s a double kick in the balls when you loose your lifesavings after investing in your insurance company.

“No, it’s allergies. Shut up!”

“Dah! I should’ve bet the under!”

“Hey, do you split a pair of nines?”

“What’s that?” 

“My pick 6 numbers. Better odds at this point.” 

This guy’s face may be one of the scariest economic indicators I’ve ever seen. He looks like he just watched someone murder a litter of puppies.

“Tomorrow, at 10:30? Okay. Yeah, I’ve done this kind of work before, but it’s been a while. One question: do I have to wear a uniform?”

No comments: