Wednesday, September 10, 2008

KIM JUNG ILLIN': PHLOG

There are rumors that Kim Jung Il is staying out of sight because he had a stroke, but maybe he finally realized how ridiculous he looks and got self-conscious.

Would you really be able to tell if Kim Jung Il had a stroke? It looks like he’s already had one on both sides.

Kim specially orders those jackets for thousands of dollars and is told they are one of a kind and custom made, but if he ever sees the sale rack at TJ Maxx, he’s going to be super pissed.

Does Kim Jung Il force the whole army to duck step, or just the brigade of broads in skirts?

In honor of North Korea’s 60th anniversary, thousands of Korean children spelled out patriotic messages after being strenuously trained, choreographed, and lit on fire.

Kim Jung Il doesn’t put up with much shit, so you know when one of his back up dancers is off beat, there will be hell to pay.

To reinforce his control over North Korea, every Tuesday, Kim Jung Il drives around at 20 mph and punches women from his car.

If you can get away with holding down tyrannical control of your country, while wearing old lady sunglasses, you have to be capable of some seriously fucked up shit.

Seriously, if you can look this ridiculous and maintain totalitarian oppression of a nation, you must have done some really twisted and evil shit in your younger days. 

The more I look at this guy, the more I think North Korea wants to be oppressed. 

Look at ‘em—just beggin’ for some schmuck to tell them what to do.

If you’re throwing a parade to flaunt your military power, you may not want to include the 1953 Tonka trucks.

To create his portrait, Kim Jung Il enlisted some of the greatest van painters in the world.

“What if we take all country’s food. Put in missile, and blow up! That fun, right?”

What’s the point of having an army of women to pleasure you if they all look the same? If I had a fuck squadron of over 100 women, I’d need a few blondes, a couple of weird tattoo chicks, and at least one girl missing a limb—just to mix it up. 

This woman is about to be forced to do things her country won’t even let her imagine.

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