Wednesday, September 10, 2008

NON-EVENT HORIZON

Is it mere coincidence that the world’s largest black hold machine looks a lot like a giant robotic anus?

An international team of scientists has ignited the Big Bang Machine under the alps below the French-Swiss border. There were fears that starting a machine that creates black holes could force the Earth and our Universe to collapse upon itself; however, here we sit, alive.

While several alarmists and sort-of-scientists warned us that this would end the world, I don’t blame them for being wrong. I know who was behind it all: the credit card companies. Now everyone who went on the Armageddon spending spree has to pay for their new gas masks, bomb shelters, and volumes of questionable legal porn they had been so curious about for years.

Some experts still claim that it could take four years for the machine to develop a black hole large enough to kill us all, which would be horrible, because by then my APR’s gonna be at like 300%. But it will be an interesting race for the next four years: which will kill us all first, the super powerful black hole machine or John McCain and Sarah Palin? 

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