Tuesday, September 2, 2008

THE RNC MIRRORS GUSTAV, NOTHING HAPPENS: PHLOG

Here’s the deal, we fucked up Katrina so badly, that we’re canceling two days worth of events because it’s partly cloudy with a chance of showers. We’d like to be more reasonable, but we don’t do very well with moderation.”

“But this time we are prepared. So y’all have a good time, and don’t forget to tip the FEMA employees serving drinks.”

How does it feel to be passed over for the VP nomination by a small time governor who hasn’t finished her first term, has a pregnant teenage daughter, and a big rack? Like that.

The only thing that could make that American flag cowboy hat any more patriotic would be if you could smother an innocent Arab with it and then tell everyone he was a terrorist after he died.

The intersection of people with weird foot fetishes, and people who jack off to the flag must be busting out of their pants. Fortunately, most of them were at the RNC already.

I hope the “Nobama” campaign is just as well thought out and just as effective as the “Just say No” to drugs campaign was.

It’s time for the Republicans to stop using Lincoln as a personification of the GOP. That’s like buying a giant Ford SUV based on the success of the Model-T, but with additional misleading implications on human rights.

“Here’s the way I see it: women are so self-obsessed and easily distracted, that they’ll vote against their best interest, just to vote for another broad. Trust me, I’m married.

“See, over there? That’s a woman that’s dumb enough to vote for me because of you. Thanks, Tits.”

What’s the best way to hide a teenager’s baby bump? With another baby that has Down syndrome. Nobody will say shit.

Hey, the not pregnant daughter’s pretty hot. I wonder if she’s old enough to fuck yet? She looks at least 14.

“So… we just sit here and wait?” 

“No, we just sit here. There’s ain’t no hurricane coming.”

Is it just me, or does Cindy McCain’s cast only appear at the end of the month when her prescription has run out?

Oooh, now I see where McCain’s getting his advice.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Dear Sarah,

Evangelicals keep reminding us that all sickness, disease, and suffering are the result of man's sin.

So tell us what you did to deserve a child with Down Syndrome. God must have been really pissed off at you.