Friday, September 12, 2008


Friday night Sarah Palin sits down for her second national interview.

When she’s asked about Russia, she pauses, looks at the blurred notes written on the palm of her hand, and says she’s willing to go to war with them if they invade Georgia or any other US states again.

“We will not repeat a Cold War. Cold Wars are for fags, like Eisenhower, Kennedy, Johnson, Nixon, Ford, Carter, and Reagan. I take war very seriously, and I will send my son over there with three bottles of oxycontin, a snowmobile, and a shotgun, and he’ll fuck up there shit Alaska style.”

Then she’s asked if she thinks women who report rape should be charged $1200 for their rape kits, as in Wasilla when she was mayor.

“Look, it’s time for rape victims to stop acting like such victims. This country’s about taking care of yourself, and us women have to work extra hard. If you want to wear that mini-skirt, you’re going to have to pay $1200 for your rape kit. America needs to stop playing the victim, and start playing the rapist.”

Then she’s asked if she thinks the Iraq war is a “task from God” as she’s been quoted as saying several times.

“Umm… Abraham Lincoln. Civil War. George Washington. Apple pie. Constitution!” 

Meanwhile God, who’s been watching at home up in Heaven, throws a fit. The only thing that pisses him off more than someone who believes our wars are His will is someone who believes that and has gone on the record and said so several times, but dodges the question after being coached for weeks by GOP operatives.

God’s pissed, and he starts crunching numbers.

When all is said and done, God decides there aren’t enough puppies,


and baby bunnies in the world to counter act the evil of this bitch.

So he cuts to the chase and punches the Earth in our fat fucking face and kills us all. It’s 10:18 PM EST, and the world has ended.

No comments: