Thursday night, John McCain gave a very human speech that was a heartfelt call to duty and detailed his personal struggles, with out hitting home on partisan issues like abortion, guns, and gays.
McCain starts getting angry, like a mean, drunk grandfather, to rev up the crowd. He even threatens to take off his belt and threatens to whoop them all.
The crowd sees The Button and goes nuts.
All of the men who are under the age of 80, cum in their pants, and the women swoon at The Button’s dangerous style.
McCain, a man who never gave in to the pressure from the Viet Cong, and suffered untold beatings and torture, once again caves to the peer pressure of the GOP.
That one missile alone, probably wouldn’t have ended the world, but the delegates from every state insist on lining up to get their turn to push The Button in a roll-call style rotation. By 1 AM Friday morning, over 50 missiles are cruising towards North Korea, Russia, China, and New York (oddly enough, Republicans love 9/11, but hate New York City).
It’s mid-afternoon on Friday before the missiles start to hit and destroy the other side of the world. At 3 PM Friday, most everyone on Earth is dying.
At 5:34 PM EST, the last missile strikes, and the world has ended. Thanks, GOP.