I’m going to be out of the country for the next two weeks. I will return if the election is resolved peacefully, and America returns to a status higher than Southern Mexico. Failing that: you’re on your own. Here’s some past posts to hold you over…
“Hmm… I don’t remember entering the Nigerian lottery, but this does sound like a good opportunity…”
“Let’s see… ‘Robert is… um… looking for a new job… no… Robert is…regretting his life decisions… no… Robert is… bleeding out the asshole as he watches his life fall to shit.’ There, that should do it.”
“Look Andy, I told you ‘no’ last week, and if I didn’t want to invest in a mobile bikini dog wash business when I had money, what makes you think I want to now?”
Federal bailouts have been about as effective at propping up the economy as these guys’ Rogaine has been at keeping their hair youthful and thick.
If I was a former Lehman Brothers’ employee, I would hold that box more carefully, and make sure the bottom doesn’t fall out of it also.
“Okay everyone. I know there’s a lot going on, but today is Carl’s birthday, so if we could gather in the break room in 10 minutes for cake, I’m sure the economy will take care of itself.”