Thursday, October 23, 2008

IS THERE EXTRA CREDIT? PHLOG

The bad news is, you’re fucked. The good news is… well, let’s just keep it with you’re fucked.”

“Hmm, what if I sold my social security number to an illegal alien? I could get cash up front, and then he would pay into my social security account with all three of his jobs. Brilliant! Why isn’t anyone else doing this?”

Why would anyone cut up their Kroger card? That just gets you discounts on groceries. Further more, why would you trust a debt consolidation company that can’t even find a fifth real credit card for their ad?

It doesn’t take much common sense to realize good loans don’t come from places with neon signs.

Never trust a loan from someone who sales used VCRs.

If you can masturbate to your loan officer’s ad, it’s probably not a legit bank.

Never borrow money from a bank with wheels.

Ironically, it was buying the scissors that put him over the edge.

When you only have room left on your JC Penny account and MCI long distance card, you’re super fucked.

The very first step towards ruining your credit.

“Holy shit, I guess they can repo my shoes!”

“No, we don’t plan on paying you back. We’re just going to die. Any more questions?”

“No, honey, I’m not trying to shame you, I’m just saying, if we’re spending $79 a month on a membership to adamsapples.com, I should at least know what it is.”

Are these people A) lining up for the soup kitchen this week, or B) lining up for a no questions  mortgage 5 years ago?

Sure it sucks to loose your house, but when the bank forecloses on your shanty, it’s a real kick in the balls.

“Well, the bank offered me a million dollar loan, plus I work next door, mowing the lawn, so it just seemed like a smart move.”

You know times are tough when people are lining up for discount hotdogs. 

1 comment:

tommy james said...

Sometimes being poor aint so bad... It's not like I have anything left to lose.