Friday, October 24, 2008


It all starts Friday afternoon when God is watching a Palin rally. He doesn’t normally pay much attention to her, but he was flipping channels and when he saw her red leather suit, he thought it was Eddie Murphy’s 'Delirious' special, so he watches for a few minutes.

“Barack Obama wants to spread your wealth around, well golly, I don’t know about you, but that sounds like socialism and such to me. Totally socialer. The government doesn’t have any right to take a portion of your earnings, let’s call it a ‘tax,’ and spend it on the greater good of the country by educating your children and building roads and such. Well golly, last time I checked, this isn’t a social studies classism! It’s America!”

“Us real Americans here in the pro-America heartland who love our country simply support the Republican administration spending around a trillion dollars buying private banks, and bailing out the richest Americans. Not that godless, socialist, Muslim mamba-jamba that Obama is pushin’ on ya!”

“He’s a secret Muslim socialist! He wants big government, and then he’s gonna launch a  Jihad from the inside to take down that same big government!”

“He don’t worship my God, and that really pisses my God off, 'cause my God is one vindictive son-a-bitch! That's why I worship him-- he's an asshole!"  

"She got the Holy Spirit up in her. Mmm... all up in her..."

God has had enough. He’s put up with a lot of bullshit done in His name: the Inquisition, the Crusades, a 14 year-old girl in a WWJD? bracelet getting fucked in the ass to preserve her abstinence, but none of it has pissed him off and scared him as much as Sarah Palin and her supporters.

Sure Bush has been bad, but he’s only bad enough to destroy Earth, that’s our prerogative, it’s our planet, but Palin and her supporters are such a volatile combination of incompetence and calculated evil that she could damage neighboring planets. Quite frankly, if this woman gets any more power, the whole damn Universe is at risk. Plus the way she lies is really annoying.

Even though Obama is ahead in 90% of the polls, and only one recent survey put the two campaigns close to even, God just can’t take that chance of letting these people be in charge, so at 6:53 PM EST, for the greater good of the Universe, God kills us all.

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