Wednesday, November 19, 2008

BLACK, BEARDLESS PIRATES: PHLOG

It’s America’s worst fear: a hybrid of terrorists, pirates, and black guys.

If Peter Pan set one fancy foot on this pirate ship, he’d be forced to grow up very, very fast.

It would be a lot easier to respect your pirate captors if they didn’t look like Tracey Morgan in drag.

The Hong Kong ship captured by pirates this week is named “The Delight.” Maybe if their boats didn’t have such enticing names, the pirates wouldn’t want to take them so much. I’m pretty sure no one has taken over the “USS Fetid Urine.”

Somehow, capturing pirates and then giving them these sweet ass jumpsuits doesn’t seem like that much of a punishment considering how the rest of Somalia lives.

Somali pirates are scary because they are less “Pirates of the Caribbean” and more “Black Hawk Down.”

There aren’t many jobs that are cooler than being on an anti-pirate special forces team… well, maybe being a pirate, but other than that, not many.

Taking a cruise ship must be the pirate equivalence of fishing in an overstocked trout pond.

“I just don’t see why they had to close the poolside bar. I mean, it’s not like they can’t take over the ship while I’m drinking a Mai Tai. All inclusive my ass.”

So what’s the strategy here? One guy waves kindly and distracts everyone from the loon with the RPG?

Textbook bad pirating.

Admittedly, there is a downside to being a pirate. 

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