Treasury Secretary Paulson actually looks surprised that people wants answers about where the $700 billion is going to go.
“Yes! We’re still counting it! Fantastic! Brilliant, Bernake, brilliant! How can we do anything yet when we’re still counting the money? 700 billion is a lot of dollars. Jeez people, think about these things before you ask a question.”
“What am I going to do about the credit crisis? Well, I’d like to answer that question with a question, what are we all going to do about the credit crisis? Hmm? Yes, all of us. Let that blow your mind, America!”
“Okay, let me level with you. The American people have clearly proven they can’t be trusted to pay back money they’ve been lent, so we’re giving the banks more money to lend them. But here’s the trick, the money we’re giving them is tax payer money, so it’s their money that they won’t be paying back. Fucking brilliant, right?”
“The plan is, we’re going to poor billions into banks so they can make loans. Wait, here’s the hook, then, we’re going to let Detroit fail, and when all the autoworkers are unemployed, they can just take out loans. Problem solved, end of story.”