Thursday, November 13, 2008

GEORGE BUSH, STILL RICH: PHLOG

All right Georgie, just be honest an’ speak from the heart. These people are cool-- they’re rich too.”   

“Listen up folks, we need to stop blaming the free market for our economic collapse. Believe me, that shit ain’t really free. It’s like professional wrastlin’, which it turns out, is fake too. Yeah, I didn’t believe it at first either, but they briefed me for weeks when I got this job.”

“Here’s the deal, we created this whole collapse thing on purpose. Now all my rich friends can buy up a bigger chunk of America. Think about it-- we’re buyin’ up controlling shares of mega corporations, small businesses, and even entire subdivisions at cut-rate prices. Don’t freak out, it’s all good.”

“Open your eyes. This recession is great for us rich rulin’ types. It’s like the whole country is 40% off!”

Yesterday I bought 43 boats, 18 houses, and Exxon.”

“Next Summer, Laura and I are going RVin’. Except we’re not going to drive across country. We’re just going to line up all our Winnebago’s from one end of the country to the other and live in ‘em for a few weeks. It’s awesome.”

“We bought up seven adjoining subdivisions in Texas, and we’re puttin’ them together to form a new feudal system the size of Tennessee.”

“Gonna need some workers, so you media types can get a square of land and work it for a slight fee after you get fired next week.”

“Look, I’m so rich, I only use panda cubs as currency now. They’re adorable and they maintain their value no matter how far this thing crashes.”

“I’m so flush, I bought a blood free diamond mine, and then paid extra to have a bunch of African kids slaughtered.”

“This morning, I paid two low level executives to fight to the death using wooden spoons. They’re still goin’ at it, but by 8 o’clock tonight it should be a hell of a show.”

For Laura’s birthday, I bought a giant squid and put him in the backyard as a lawn ornament. Then when he dried out and died, I bought another one, and I’ll do it again tomorrow. These are good times.”

“Last week, I bought 27 hours. Most people can’t even buy time, but I can. Don’t make any plans for next year, because I own January through March.”

“Nah, I’m good. Already had a few.”

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