Friday, November 14, 2008


It all starts Friday afternoon when Bush gets depressed and starts reflecting on his Presidency.

Sure there were some laughs, like when he met that guy wearing a dress, 

and the vampire priest,

And of course that guy that smelled like a musky, curry scrotum.

Then there was that time he taught Chinese dignitaries to do the worm.

And who can forget that time he nicknamed five rabbis “Cornbread” and one “Satan.”

But Bush’s presidency was so bad, that even he realizes it. Sure it took two failed wars, the complete destruction of the worldwide economy, a savage raping of the environment, and a domestic record that plays like the arrhythmic outtakes of Christian rock album, but even Bush can tell he fucked up big time.

So he starts to write his suicide note.

Only thing is, it takes him hours to even get started, and by the time he’s finished his first sentence, he’s completely shredded the paper with his eraser like a drooling special-ed kid struggling to spell photosynthesis, so Dick Cheney hands him a pre-written suicide note dated March, 2002.

Bush signs the note, but says there’s one thing he needs to do before he dies-- something he’s been wanting to do since his first day in office.

“There’s this shiny red button down there. I don’t know what it does, but it looks like a piece of delicious candy, and it’s been callin’ my name like a deep fried siren doused in whiskey and rolled in cocaine.”


And at 2:43 AM EST Saturday, George Bush has unwittingly killed us all, and the world has ended. Don't act like you didn't see it coming years ago.

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