Thursday, December 11, 2008


In that past 8 years, my Whitehouse has reduced illegal drug use. Take that statement as literally as you like.”

“Americans have found hope in alternatives to illegal drug abuse.”

“For instance, inside this Sharpie pen, I have 18 crushed up Xanexes, 7 Klonopin, and 4 Oxycontin. Laura or the girls have a prescription for most of ‘em. And in my pocket I have another Sharpie pen that’s just for sniffin’. All totally legal.”

“Hey, can someone confirm that I’ve got a weirdo in a blanket sitting next to me?”

“Deep breathes. Deep breathes.”

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