Monday, December 15, 2008

IRAQPORT ATTACK: PHLOG

…and I am proud to announce, thanks to America's help, the nation of Iraq is free from casual violence…”

“Holy fuck shit pants!”

"Attack!"

“Whatevers. It is what it is.”

"Oh shit! I squirted in the back and front!"

“Let’s see… milk, eggs, pick up the dry cleaning, give douchie here a ride to the airport.”

“A shoe?! Seriously!? Did you just throw a fucking shoe at me!?”

"Fuck! Again!"

“Two shoes?! REALLY!?! You threw both your fucking shoes at me?! What the fucking fuck fuck?”

“Jeez. Here, fine, I’ll protect you with my bare hand. Feel better now American Savior? All safe.”

In the Islamic world, the bottom of a shoe is considered ritualistically unclean and highly offensive. That may sound weird, but I can understand it. Everyday, on the way to my office in Hollywood, I step in hobo piss, vomit, crushed crack pipes and dirty needles, soiled condoms, human shit, and discarded tranny weaves. Some days I step in dog shit just to clean off my shoes. And that’s here in the greatest nation on Earth; God only knows what’s on the ground in a war-torn country. Seems like you’d want to hold that shoe from the inside.

Lolz Iraqis.

I know burning our flag is a sign if disrespect and protest, but what about burning factory second, Chinese-made, 99 cent store overstocked 4th of July tablecloths that never even made it into America before going to some third world warehouse? Is that really that upsetting?

“Oh that Marmaduke! He is a filthy aberration against Allah, but he is such a cut-up! I laugh out loud.”

Wow, Bush invaded Iraq, hung their leader, laid waist to their infrastructure, economy, and society, and provoked a domestic civil war—all while arresting, torturing, and killing locals, and the best these guys can do is draw a fu-Manchu mustache on him?

I’m not saying they should attack us, but their has to be some form of Islamic decent greater than throwing a shoe and less than blowing up the Twin Towers.

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