“Santa smells like Daddy when he’s mean.”
“Do you think we ruined Christmas for Charlie?”
“Yeah, but it was totally worth it. Fucking hilarious.”
“Tommy, inside this glove down here, I have five magical little elves dancing around, and inside this one, I have chloroform. That’s right, breathe it in…”
“Okay, first, you’ve got me sitting next to a Hanukkah present. Second, this dog just isn’t turning me on at all. Not even a little.”
If you get molested by Santa, does it make your life easier or harder when you find out it was really your dad all along?
How do you get a little girl to let you fuck her in the mouth?
Fuck her in the ear first.