Thursday, December 18, 2008


Santa smells like Daddy when he’s mean.”

This Santa’s so drunk he has Babe Ruth face. 

It looks like Santa spends the off-season tripping his balls off at Warren Haynes’ concerts.

“Do you think we ruined Christmas for Charlie?” 

“Yeah, but it was totally worth it. Fucking hilarious.”

I can’t tell what’s going on in the crotch of Santa’s pants, but something is. 

This kid’s got good intuition for a toddler.

“Fuck you guys-- I’m hiding.”

“I just killed Main Street Santa. Yes, I did!”

Santa’s got a sly pinky finger.

“Tommy, inside this glove down here, I have five magical little elves dancing around, and inside this one, I have chloroform. That’s right, breathe it in…”

“Okay, first, you’ve got me sitting next to a Hanukkah present. Second, this dog just isn’t turning me on at all. Not even a little.”

“What?! They’re pretty shoes. I wanted to lick them.”

“I didn’t do it! They were already crying when I touched them funny!”

Jeeesus, is it really that hard to put a kid on your lap without touching his dick and butt?

If you get molested by Santa, does it make your life easier or harder when you find out it was really your dad all along?

“What?! I thought she was a puppet. That’s where your hand goes in a puppet.”

How do you get a little girl to let you fuck her in the mouth? 

Fuck her in the ear first.

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