Wednesday, December 3, 2008


You will bring death to America and that coke tray to me!”

A new report says that the Mumbai terrorists were jacked up on steroids, cocaine, and LSD during their attack. Holy Jesus Fuck! Terrorists are assholes, ‘roid heads are assholes, coke fiends are assholes, and people on acid spin in circles. I can’t imagine combining them all into one person and then fighting him. It would be like battling Hunter S. Thompson’s angry ghost in a cage match. He may not get into Heaven, but he’s sure as hell going to kick your ass.

If you’re fighting against a terrorist ‘roid head who’s jacked on coke and tripping his balls off on acid, you can’t win. I’m not saying the terrorist will have some sort of strategic, well-planned victory, but you sure as hell won’t win. It’s like a male hooker who goes home with Boy George. You might be able to prevent him from handcuffing you to the radiator and beating you with a chain, he’s still going to fuck you.

But who knows, maybe the terrorists didn’t even mean to fly those airplanes into the twin towers: they were just fucked up and trying to get to Canada. 

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