Monday, December 1, 2008

VIRGIN MARY MEDIUM HOT

I don’t like cleaning either, but I don’t make a religious event out of my mess.

A woman in Bakersfield claims the Virgin Mary has appeared in a stain on her wall after her blender exploded while she was making salsa. Now I’m not one for prejudging or racially profiling, but I’m guessing Mexican on this one.

What gets me is, clearly this woman believes that God has a supernatural hand in day to day events, so that he could stop a bullet, avert a train wreck, or deliver food to the hungry, yet all her God does to change the world is fuck up her salsa. I’d say that’s less divine and more annoying—maybe even impish. 

If it’s a sin to take the Lord’s name in vain, what about taking the Lord’s image in vain? Don’t get me wrong, I love salsa, but it isn’t exactly the holiest of media for the Lord to do his work. If Mary can appear in a condiment, what liquid is off limits?

What if a Catholic was pleasuring himself and he stained his wall in the shape of the Virgin Mary? Is it a sin or is it divine? Would the shame of spilling his holy seed in the most unholy of manners outweigh his pride in the Virgin Mary miraculously appearing in his jizzim? 

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